"You're just as guilty as the one doing it." -- Dr. Phil

I was watching the Dr. Phil show today and it amazed me how increasingly high bullying  is happening nowadays. I live in Utah where you go out in public and you get hellos' and a warm smile from everyone walking by and you'd think that bullying "doesn't happen" here, but unfortunately, bullying happens and WILL happen where ever you go.

The recent suicides from gays, Asher Brown, 13, Seth Walsh, 13, Justin Aaberg, Tyler Clementi, 18, and Billy Lucas, 15; are just too heartbreaking. These kids suffered bullying all their lives because of being gay and thought that the only way to turn to was to take their own lives. Whether they're young or old people are always going to have something or someone tormenting them, and that's when the better and bigger person has to step up and let their voice be heard. There's a lot of questions that may go through someone's mind, and one of them may be: Who was there to stop it?

Well, that's just it! Who was there to stop it? It's OUR responsibility to stop bullying NOW. I believe we all need to take notice of what is happening around us. There's so many that are too focused on themselves and don't open their eyes as to who is suffering.If you happen to witness bullying don't just stand there and think that it's okay to let them do so. "You're just as guilty as the one doing it" if you don't do anything about it. Immediately step in on the situation and try to settle things. I'm not saying to go and give the first punch but to take things maturely and don't let the victim get victimized. You can always call 911 and go to an adult for help, but PLEASE don't ever let the bully get away with what they do.

Those who bully, I just can't understand how you'd be enjoying yourself. Tormenting another person and ruining their self esteem just shows how big of a character you have. Do you really think that you gain respect by bringing someone's self esteem? To me, all this bullying that's been happening has to do with pride and having a 'title'. I say, stop it.

Whether you live in Utah, California, or in Peru, don't think that bullying will never happen in your city or state. Take notice of those around you and lend a hand. Because those who are being bullied... all they need is ONE person to show them they matter. Make a difference. Stand up for those who need it.

Do something about it before it's too late for an individual.
Bullying doesn't just happen in one country itself... it happens in ONE house, ONE school, or maybe in the streets. It's just a matter of your choosing whether you want to end this or not. It's all up to you. You can shape the world, ONE at a TIME.
Are you up to the challenge?
--AIMEE VARGAS

Advice for a Guy

If you truly love someone, you're not going to pressure them into anything they don't want to do. For instance: sex. You are going to wait until they are ready for it to happen. You don't truly love someone if you don't respect them and their decisions. In fact, you don't really love yourself at all if you don't respect others either.

Find a girl that will respect you as well, someone who you won't doubt. a girl who you can trust and connect with in a deeper level, rather than physical. I think that a girl who can make you laugh, but is serious when necessary is the way to go. Find that girl who can share your deepest thoughts and feelings with.

If you are religious, I'd say you should wait until you are married to have sex. In my opinion that is the best way to go because once you are married, you're tied down to one person, and not going around with other women. My decision is to wait until I am married because it will be a lot more "special" that way. I want to be able to have my marriage in the Temple, have a family for eternity, and know that I waited for the special someone.

What My Mission is

Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to make something out of my life and for others, but for years I thought I was "stuck" where I was. I thought because of my disability I couldn't get to the place I had wanted to be. Now that I'm older I have realized that I can achieve what I want and be happy with the best I can do. I feel like it's my mission to talk to and help others. Helping others makes me happy and I have started writing so in that way I can reach out to hundreds, maybe thousands. You may not agree with what I write, but I just write what I feel and what my opinions are. I hope to motivate as many as I can.  

I have Spina Bifida, which means "Split Spine"(Spina Bifida – a condition in which the spine does not develop properly before birth; can cause varying degrees of disability. A diet with sufficient levels of Folic acid taken in the months before and during pregnancy can help prevent Spina bifida. http://www.womenshealthmatters.ca/centres/pregnancy/glossary/index.html) In my case, my mom's pregnancy was a surprise and she did not know about Folic acid. Spina Bifida was also something that was passed down to me because of my dad's side. As I stated in my first paragraph, I thought that I couldn't achieve my dreams because of it, but now, I look at my disability as a blessing rather than a hold back. With my disability, it gives me certain knowledge of things, to teach others, and to help others/motivate on their way to success. I wouldn't change the circumstance that I'm in because it has brought me to where I am now, and that's part of my identity. Without it I wouldn't be me, and my disability makes me stronger and stronger each and every day. I may not say to myself “Okay, today I'm a lot more stronger today because of my disability,” but what I mean is, that every day I learn something new, and realize that everyone has their own “disability” to deal with. I am dealing with this, and so the best I can do is accept it because I know that I will be able to go through it. When I get the chance to look back on two or years previous I do take notice that I have matured, and have been able to handle most situations in the way that they are supposed to be handled. For example, every time I am about to get a surgery, I know how react to it because I've been through it before. Every day is a learning process, for myself, and for everyone else.     I have achieved a lot, and when I got the chance to be part of the Utah Jr. Wheelin Jazz last year, it really boosted up my confidence that I can get to where I want to be. I am living my dream being part of the team and am grateful to have been introduced to Wheelchair Basketball. Back when I was in the 7th grade was the first time I got a “taste” of what basketball really was like. When I held the basketball in my hand and started shooting for the first time in my life, I instantly fell in love with the sport. Now that I'm part of a National sport, I couldn't be happier. From the first practice that was held, to now, I have improved a lot. I love the fact that I've gained so much knowledge and get to improve each and every week. Not only are the Utah Jr. Wheelin Jazz a team who gets to shoot around and make baskets, but our mission is be role models to others and let people know that there is a chance to achieve your dreams. It's also about letting others know that even in our situations we can play sports just as much as the able bodied. The actual definition of disability is: not being able to perform something because you're lacking physically or mentally. In my case, I can't run, jump, or tip-toe, while someone else wouldn't be able to do the splits, or even dance. Everyone has a disability, even though that's not what most people see. 

I want others to know that even if you feel like you are at rock bottom and can never rise up, you can. You can do anything you'd desire and be happy, but just as long as you don't give up. If you do feel like giving up, don't. Every time you try hard, it's something that is worth while, trust me. When things get out of control, go do something about it. Whether it's out for a run, a roll, shooting hoops, anything that's active can help you feel a lot better. I have always found that basketball takes all the emotional pain and stress I have during the day and puts it into something good!-AIMEE VARGAS

"Outer" Disabilities

We all have disabilities, whether it's visible or not. If we all have disabilities, why don't we stop all the judging? We are all equal. We might have different types of lifestyles, personalities, and races, but aside from all that, there is one word that defines that we're all equal: Human. We could look at someone across the street in a wheelchair and we automatically think, "That person can't do anything themselves." or "That person needs special treatment, so let me go and see what I can do to help." When we see a classmate who finishes their assignment later than everyone else we may think,"That person doesn't get the assignment." or "They're dumb." or "Wow. They need a tutor." It hurts to see how we sometimes think something and treat others different. I try my best to not judge, and it would be nice that everyone could do the same.

 If you have an "outer" disability (one that is physical and easy to see), just know that you are not alone. There are others with a disability, who are going through the same feelings as you. Don't be thinking you are alone, because truth is, you will never be alone. Don't get discouraged if you see someone achieve their goals and you haven't been able to get to that point yet. Your dreams can be achieved as well, and you can have the same opportunities, and even much more if you put your mind to it. You are the same as everyone else. You can be anything you want to be, and can do anything you want just as long as you put the same effort as others do. Don't let others get in the way of what can make you happy. Try to surround yourself with people who can support you and give you wise advice, and again, don't let people get in the way of your dreams, and don't get discouraged.Just think of your disability as a blessing. Without that "blessing" you wouldn't be where you are now. With your knowledge of your disability, show others it is possible and use your knowledge to guide others who are lost.
-AIMEE VARGAS

Stereotypes

“People like them are lazy, conceited, unintelligent, and useless,” are the statements that I constantly hear about Latinos and Hispanics nowadays. There are millions of people and now all of a sudden these ethnic groups are lazy, conceited, unintelligent, and useless? I don’t think so! For centuries, racism has been a huge issue in this country; ever since slavery was practiced in the 1800’s, it has been a huge influence as to what we go through now. We obviously don’t have slavery anymore, but back then it was considered that people with a darker skin type were a minority and that stereotype has been glued to some people’s minds. I on the other hand, don’t agree with that statement.    The question I find myself asking on a regular basis is, since when does race determine your character?Yes, there are different cultures that people bring from where they are from, but that doesn’t exactly form your character. Nothing should be based or judged on by the color of skin or where you came from and unfortunately, it’s the opposite.    


Everyone should give some credit to each and everyone they see, and not stereotype them for the way they look or where they are from. We can’t get rid of stereotypes and racism all together, but if each one of us individually worked on not judging one another you will definitely see a big difference. We live in America, and I believe that we should embrace the “freedom” that it was originally given and give that freedom to everyone.-AIMEE VARGAS


(Notice: By me posting, I hope you realize I'm not trying to say that only these groups are the ones being stereotyped. Everyone is stereotyped in one way or another, and I'm not wanting it to seem like it's not.)

Friends and Opportunities

Life is a test and something we need to “pass”. Life is supposed to make you grow and learn from mistakes and experiences. Often times, life is taken for granted and we don't take notice of what is important and what is really needed. I believe it's important to try to be successful. When I say “successful”, I don't mean have all the money in the world, but to be successful in friendships, in happiness, in relationships, and anything else that can make you happy and live life to the fullest. In order to be happy I believe it's important to take every opportunity that's given to you. My way of happiness is also serving and helping others as much as I can. When I serve others I have the biggest smile and I get a good feeling that says I'm doing the right thing. My challenge to you is to open your eyes and see who needs help, who needs a friend, and who needs at least a little attention. You have no idea how little of a gesture can change someone's world in a matter of seconds. You would be surprised who really needs a friend, and you could be that person who can help them to better themselves. When I'm willing to help others, it opens up an opportunity to get to know myself even better than before. It's pretty insane to think that helping others will make yourself know who you are more, but it's definitely true.
-AIMEE VARGAS

In order to have a relationship succeed.

In order for a relationship to work out, you need to have respect for one another, love them, trust, and be honest with each other. A relationship cannot continue in the right path if you are always yelling at each other, pointing fingers, lying to them all the time, and lack of trust. If you have troubles trusting your significant other, counseling may be an option, or your relationship will corrupt. Maybe something happened in your past that is not letting you trust your "boyfriend/girlfriend." If you don't show your boyfriend/girlfriend that you care about them, why even bother being with them again? show them that you do love them, and that you would do anything for them. Also, if you're not honest with the person you love... (this goes back to trust), how can you trust them? Being honest is 100% better than going through a path of lies.
-AIMEE VARGAS

Verbal and Sexual Abuse

Being in a verbally abusive relationship or situation may be scary, and may seem like you can't get out of it, but there are always a way to, whether you believe it or not. I have never been in this situation before, but these things I write may be something that could help.

Verbally:   
Tell them you don't like what they are doing and saying, because there are times they may not know what they are doing, or that it could be hurting you. If that doesn't work, you need to go to the police and let them handle the situation. You need to get away from the person as soon as possible.   
If you are the one who is verbally abusing someone, you need to stop! All you are causing is pain to those around you. The reason why you are taking your anger out on someone is probably because of something that has happened in your past that really impacted you in a negative way. Instead of taking your anger out on people, you should use that bad experience and use it to grow from. Just tell yourself "I don't want to do that to other people." or "I don't want this experience to continue down to my family, so I got to do what I have to do for it to not happen." Please don't take your anger out on others. If you have been verbally abusive to someone, and you wish to stop but don't know how, you need to get yourself into counseling. Also, apologizing to the person you've hurt may be a wise choice. If you are going to apologize, do so in person because there is nothing better than to show that you are truly sorry by actually facing your problems in a mature way. It also shows that you are ready to take any consequence for your action. If you are a religious person, you also would probably consider to talk to your leader from church, or a person "higher" than you, and they'll take you to the road you need to go.

Sexual:  
If you've been in a forced sexual situation, you need to do everything you can to get away from them. Go tell an adult you trust and let them handle the situation. (The adult needs to call the cops.) If the person who is abusing you threatens you that they'd do something to you if you told anyone, don't pay attention to what they said. Go to an adult anyways. You're in much danger if they take control of the situation and not you. What the abuser did to you is not your fault, and this is something important you need to know, because often times people feel as if they were the reason as to why it happened, which is completely false. The person who did it obviously is mentally ill and needs help or can't control their behavior. After you get it situated with the cops, you may want to go to counseling. Counseling will help you get your feelings out and it will be the first step to be able to get cured from the pain. Of coarse you won't recover fast, but you do have to put all your effort in trying to recover. 
  If you are someone who has sexually abused someone, there is a lot that describes you. You are mentally ill, angry, someone who is sick of not getting what they want, prideful, sad, and someone who doesn't know how to control their feelings and situations. You feel like the only way you can get control of something is if you control a person, and have them do what you want them to do. The only solution you have to better yourself is to turn yourself into the police. You may not like the idea, but it is the only solution you have.

(A little “rough draft” I wrote. I know it may not sound as good, or it may sound cheesy, but I wrote down whatever popped into my head at first, and what I felt was needed to be said.)
-AIMEE VARGAS